TEXAS SAYINGS

Since I have a "wing in a sling", I thought I would share a few sayin's or for lack of a better word Texisms.
Some are  right funny, but all of them have some real meaning if you ponder them some.
 

• "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life" by Texas Bix Bender
• There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a boot jack and jerkin' on his tail.
• Never ask a man the size of his spread.
• Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
• If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• When dealin' with a slick son of a b...., start off by pinnin' him down and changin' his oil.
• Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
• Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn their lesson.
• The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
• Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.
• Never miss a good chance to shutup.
• Never sell your mule to buy a plow.

It seems like if more people in general and the government in particular heeded these, life would be a helluva lot better for all of us.